Hidden Cave & Garden

Hidden Cave and Garden

The opening of the Hidden Cave and Garden on Kingsland Road happened to coincide with Nat’s birthday so we decamped on mass to see how the new Mediterranean restaurant could compare with the more famous Turkish places across the Junction (and therefore outside the remit of this project). There were millions of us for dinner so we issued everyone with paper and pencils and asked them to jot down their thoughts/comments/feelings/emotions and drunken rambles. These are their Turkish beer and wine fuelled ramblings:


Starter- Mezze platter (for the table) & Calamari for me!!!! Was really good. A little chewy at times, but definitely yummy.

Music- Not what I expected… in a good way.

Main- Chicken Shisha. Chicken was beautifully tender and succulent. Loved the pepper. Nothing too special though.


The mezzo platter made me enjoy my kind of anaesthetic (?) state a bit better. After eating a codeine the start looked like a discoloured rainbow with tasty bits.

The Turkish red wine definitely wasn’t the cure to my migraine, but it was only bad at after taste.

Good Houmous & good Falafel.

The Lamb shish was a bit disappointing. A bit too much sinew. But then I’m trying to become a vegetarian again, so it might be my fault. Actually no. It’s Mangall’s fault! Their lamb shish is just way too wonderfully tasty and tender and ever pretty. The free funny chocolatey drinks after the blog has been revealed. Then tour to the hidden cave. Scary. But will venture it after pudding.


The leading on the menu is atrocious.

Many of the apostrophes appear to be lost.

The tasteful painting of a horse maiden makes me happy as it reminds me of the internet.

I ordered one of the lamb koftes, I didn’t know what shape I wanted, so I ordered spicy!


I like the shiny log cabin ceiling. The atmosphere is really Swiss.

The lines of starter looked great- the good version of having a ‘smear’ of sauce.

The mirror in the bathroom is very low down- I feel Amazonian. Also they blast music in the toilets and anthemic pop- folk is very rousing whilst peeing.


Starter- Mezze platter 7/10. Calamari 6/10

Note- Urinal is desperately clue to the sink.

Meat platter was very good.. Lamb was especially tasty. Very tender. 7-8/10 (Ed: Surely a score of 7-8 out of 10 is 7.5?).


I enjoyed the nice selection of started ordered by James. there was a warm ambience and the staff did not judge me for arriving early and  being flustered. Tim’s conversation topic of vagina did the lower the tone but he was hungover so I will forgive him. The mixed grill smelt nice. The spinach wrap looked cheesey [sic] – yum. My meal was very good. I had the aubergine net. I felt sorry for the staff after I found out they were scared by the prospect of the blog. The free shit was good.


Whitebait win. Calamari 50/50 depending on which plate it came from.

Baba Ganoush? More garlic than anything – whoop!

Lamb ishbender was awesome- tasty tnder meat & the bread kept a good texture throughout impressively om nom nom.

Garden has a fountain and apparently there’s a HIDDEN CAVE.

That is all.



I didn’t write anything on the day as I was too busy drinking and two glasses of red wine in by the time I had arrived.

The next day at work I had to disappear to the toilet to have a ‘tactical vom’ as I had consumed an ungodly mixture of red wine, prosecco, Turkish wine of the red and white variety, rose wine and more red wine when we eloped to the Haggerston pub afterwards. I remember the food being vaguely good and the staff were lovely. They surprised me with a ‘tour’ of the Hidden Cave. This was a ruse as at the end of the tour the HIdden Cave contained a medley of their desserts with Birthday Candles stuck in, and everyone sung ‘Happy Birthday’. If I had known about this I wouldn’t have polished off the Pecan pie (said in the voice of Billy Crystal in ‘When Harry met Sally’) I had ordered. The desserts were good, but had to ask them to be put in a doggy bag to take home, the staff at The Haggerston enjoyed these desserts immensely after I ended up hanging out in the Pub kitchen for half an hour feeding it to bar staff and chef’s alike.

Was a lovely birthday meal.

Haggerston staff:

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